Welcome to The Feral Elder by Valerie Hershfield. Our purpose is to share experiences and thoughts from folks considered “older.” We wouldn’t think of designating what that age is. We hope this column makes you smile, ponder, or just slap your head and say, “Hey, that happened to me!” And, just maybe, share your own thoughts and experiences.
Who is Valerie Hershfield?
A native Californian, I’ve lived in eight states in my 80 years, but the busiest were the 11 years in New Hampshire where I loved putting my journalism degree to work as a correspondent for the New Hampshire Union Leader. A correspondent covers every kind of news in her or his beat towns. I called it my “murder, mayhem and garden parties” job. At the same time, I juggled being an international tour director, a bartender, a case finder for Judge Judy, and a volunteer EMT. I currently live in rural northeast Iowa with two cats (who were also feral).
By VALERIE HERSHFIELD, The Feral Elder
Ever since I moved to northeast Iowa, I’ve wanted to go to the Field of Dreams in Dyersville, where much of the movie was shot and where, in August, the Minnesota Twins played the Philadelphia Phillies on an adjacent MLB field. Dyersville is about an hour and a half south of my town.
Last week I accompanied my daughter for a car repair about an hour and a half south of Dyersville. Knowing of my long-time desire, she suggested we detour to the Field of Dreams on our way home. Only half kidding, I said, “This is a dream come true.” And, in fact, it was. A smaller dream, but still a dream.
This reminded me of when I lived in New Hampshire, and before that, Boston, and always wanted to see the Red Sox play at Fenway Park. I never made it to a game there, but as a tour guide, I did get to take a tour of the Red Sox’s iconic home. My heart nearly stopped when we came across Big Papi. Another small dream come true – one that gave me true joy and a wonderful memory.
I’m a big believer in having a dream, goal, aspiration, target – whatever word suits you – list. My current ultimate BIG dream is taking a wildebeest migration tour in Africa. I’m holding on to it. Chances? Slim. I still buy the occasional lottery ticket with high hopes. But reflecting on these two ballpark experiences, I realized I’d just had a little dream met close to home, and I was thrilled.
Since visiting the Field of Dreams I have thought a lot about the little dreams – the more obtainable ones that still take some effort, so there’s satisfaction in reaching them. What should I put on my list at 80 years old? I decided I needed more than one. At least two.
I’m not a fan of the term “bucket list,” but if you like it, consider a “bucket” and a “buckette” list. BIG and SMALL lists. I’m going with “dream lists.” Income level shouldn’t limit either one. Shoot for a trip to the moon. That’s what some dreams are for.
Someone may have a dream of yodeling in the Alps, waltzing in Vienna, kayaking on the Charles River, or taking the whole family to Disney World. Sometimes finances, time or health get in the way of those dreams, at least for now. I’m not ignoring that for some, the dream is simply making a mortgage payment or buying gas without worry. This doesn’t mean bigger, happier dreams are not worth holding onto. Keep them alive.
There was no reason in the world I shouldn’t have gone to the Field of Dreams long before I did. The idea would come up; I just let it roll away. Even last week, after a grueling ride in a noisy, rattling loaner van, it would have been far more convenient to skip the detour, and push it off again. But I can tell you: it was a true pleasure to finally be there. An adult ballgame was underway – old fashioned uniforms and all – with people in those little bleachers cheering as if Shohei Ohtani, or Big Papi himself, were playing. Joy.
In my 30s, I had a solid and achievable big dream of going to Europe. More than once, I got so close, and then life would happen and I’d stash my Arthur Frommer’s Europe on $5 a Day while quietly singing “Put Your Dreams Away for Another Day.” Sinatra sang it better, but I sang it sadder. Still, I held onto that dream. About 15 years later, I found a job that let me travel the world. It was something of a fluke, but I kept saying yes to the opportunities that came my way.
In the meantime, there were smaller dreams I hadn’t recognized as such. I saw Cats on Broadway. I saw a moose up close. I watched my feral elderly father slide down the marble ramp (illegally, I believe) beside the steps to the Lincoln Memorial. I went with a group of girlfriends to my local library when they hosted a screening of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. So fun. Some took time and effort. Maybe I need three lists.
Most of InDepthNH readers live in New England. What a fabulous place for building dreams! In the couple of years I lived in Boston and later in New Hampshire, I didn’t come close to covering all of the fascinating, fun and historical adventures to be had. There’s a reason for Boston’s nicknames: The Cradle of Liberty, The Athens of America, The Hub of the Universe, and, of course, Beantown, from the colonial-era tradition of cooking baked beans in molasses. Maybe it’s not historically enlightening, but it’s fun to know. Whale watching was always on my itinerary for visitors. Any idea that watching those magnificent creatures breach out of the water gets old is, simply put, wrong.
Every New England state has exciting, naturally beautiful and educational opportunities to put on both a bucket and buckette list, and many are just a short drive away. With the help of the internet you’re using right now, build some achievable dreams in every state, then start knocking them off. If you need help finding them, ask a 12-year-old.
Have you long-time New Hampshirites driven up to the Mount Washington Observatory or ridden the Cog Railway, or taken the oldest ski lift built in 1935 in Jackson? It’s an amazing experience, and you don’t even have to ski to enjoy it. Has your good friend had these experiences? Maybe these won’t top your dream list, but whatever you do, you won’t forget it. Take some time and a little planning.
You can make getting there part of the adventure. I got a kick out of taking Amtrak on the short ride from Exeter, N.H, to Portland, Maine. I am not at all suggesting our readers haven’t ventured out, or aren’t curious. Taking a child, grandchild, cousin or neighbor will give the experiences new eyes. As a tour director, my greatest delight was seeing people have that “wow moment” when they encountered something amazing for the first time. Maybe make your list include helping someone else create dream lists.
Make the dream even more memorable. If you have the chance to try something unique – like learning a moose call – don’t let fear of looking silly stop you. This is where my mantra, “Nobody cares,” kicks in. I work for the Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum in Iowa. We have an operating antique pump organ in the museum. I always ask if anyone would like to try playing it. Kids almost always shy away. With only about a 30 percent success rate, I haven’t given up telling them, “If it isn’t dangerous or illegal, take every chance on something new whenever you can. You may not remember this tour, but you’ll remember playing this strange instrument.” (Not to mention the photos parents will show off at their kids’ engagement parties). We also have a real covered wagon for photo ops. I don’t usually push adults, but many times I’ve ever-so-gently said, “Gentlemen, put on the darned straw hat. Nobody cares! The photo will be a family favorite!”
The Africa migration trip is on my “BIG dream” list! On my “small dream list,” and this is one I’ve only recently zeroed in on, is riding a Clydesdale. I’ve admired the beautiful massive animals at Busch Gardens and on TV Superbowl ads, but I need contact! I’ve found a place in California, where I visit once a year, where I can ride. Yippee! But my daughter, who has been most attentive through my current spine issues, gently suggested horseback riding might not be the wisest move right after surgery – so it will remain a dream for a while longer. No sadness, though. I discovered something more manageable: A sheep farm experience where guests can feed the animals, collect fresh eggs, milk sheep and learn about cheesemaking. So cool for a city girl of Feral Elder age (or anyone, really). And, listen to this, fellow ferals: it’s in Vermont! I’m sure you’re allowed to yodel your heart out there, too
What are some of your big and small dreams – realized or still waiting? Sharing yours might just add to someone else’s list.
I’ll leave you with a bit of nostalgia: a recording by the Pied Pipers that closed out the old Lucky Lager Dance Time radio show broadcast across the western states. As a young teen, I’d turn the volume low so my parents wouldn’t know I was still awake at midnight. (Stick with it through the ad that might run first). Listen here and dream. Then, don’t wait 15 years, or 80, to chase the small ones. The big dreams are worth holding onto — but it’s the little ones, the Field of Dreams down the road, that are often just one detour away.
Sweet dreams, everyone!