Jen Hollidge
Not for Nothing in NH

I booked myself a massage and I was so excited.  I have been at the gym regularly and for the first time in a long time I feel like I had earned this treat.

Jen Hollidge, Not for Nothing NH

So I find a local place online. They have openings and I click to book. Oh, wait. What? There was a choice, a place to click preference for either male or female and I didn’t click.  It’s OK. I’ve had a massage from a man before and it was great. “Meet our staff.” OK, let’s find out who this massage therapist is …

Oh, Jesus. He’s like 20, fresh out of school and beef-cakey. No. Click “change your appointment.” To change appt you can call ….

Noooo. It’s too late to call and I’m too vain to admit that I’m too vain.

It’s fine. Really. And in I go the next morning and he’s at the desk. Blue eyes sparkling, young and handsome and like my worst nightmare. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not personal, but nobody wants a good-looking dentist, doctor or massage therapist.

This is you at your most vulnerable. You don’t want Mr. Dreamy digging around in your teeth, asking you about your list of medications, or elbowing your muscles while you’re  squished and splattered out on a massage table. This is not relaxing.

Thank god I shaved my legs. I’m going to close my eyes and pretend he’s ugly. It doesn’t work. And then there are elbows in my back knots and I can only go with it. The massage is great, but my mind doesn’t stop the whole time, vacillating between considering my every imperfection and then telling myself to shut up and enjoy.

I go home and take a nap after, not sure if from relaxation or stress. When I wake up, my Partner in Crime has made the most delicious smelling lunch that he just whipped up. He knows how much I love his cooking.  In his typically generous way, he’s glad I did something for myself and wants to know how it was.

He slides a plate toward me, leaning in, his big brown eyes and long dark lashes intent on me, and asks with a handsome smile, “how was the massage?”

“Dreamy,” I reply and leave it at that.

I’m Jen Hollidge, a full-time program coordinator, full-time mother of two amazing daughters and full-time wife to my partner in crime for 18 years. We live in Concord, N.H. I have an English degree from the University of New Hampshire and I love to write.