Twenty five people — mostly fathers who believe they were discriminated against in divorce proceedings — shared heart-wrenching and sometimes angry stories with several lawmakers and the judge who oversees family court at an ad hoc meeting on Wednesday in Concord.
Judge Edwin Kelly, administrator of the District Courts, left, speaks with Thomas McCarthy, who complained about the family court system at a meeting on Wednesday.
A handful of mothers and at least one grandmother also provided testimony – most accusing the family court system of ignoring their complex situations and choosing instead to tear families apart. A few brought teenage and young adult children who told even sadder tales of broken homes and the pain inflicted on their families by the court system.
Jacob Barry, 20, of Nashua, testified with his mother Dianne Lyons. He criticized the courts and all of the agencies that were involved in their case, including the FBI.
“It has absolutely destroyed my family,” Barry said of the court system. “I have not seen my three siblings in four years.”
State Reps. Kimberly Rice, R-Hudson, Frank Edelblut, R-Wilton, Sen. Sharon Carson, R-Londonderry, and Judge Edwin Kelly, administrator of the Circuit Courts, sat on the panel at the Upham-Walker House across the street from the statehouse.
Dianne Lyons directed her comments directly to Judge Kelly, reminding him that he previously told her there is nothing he can do to help. She disagreed.
“You can call these judges into your chambers. You are the administrative judge of the Circuit Court. You are ultimately responsible for what occurs in these courtrooms,” Lyons said. “I am now homeless. My son and I are homeless.”
One after the other, parents were allowed three minutes to detail their complaints, many of whom cited the loss of their due process rights. Some complained about being falsely accused of abusing their children, of being forced to stand idly by while others abused their children, and of ex-spouses and judges and guardians ad litem who were disinterested or worse.
They complained of gender discrimination and greed on the part of judges, attorneys, guardians and the system in general. Some complained they hadn’t been allowed to see their children in years.
One father said it has been a decade since he has seen his daughter.
Rep. Rice, a member of House Children and Family Law Committee, said she has heard from so many individuals about their problems with family courts that she and Rep. Edelblut decided to hold the fact-gathering meeting. “We felt there was a need,” Rice said.
John Kelly, no relation to the judge, testified that he has had plenty of time since his divorce in 2002 to consider the nature of the family court system.
“First of all, I was lucky. All I lost were my life savings. I talk to lots of people who lost their children, lost their health and lost their jobs,” Kelly said. “I did lose my faith in the court system.”
John Kelly suggested the courts address the issue of gender bias. One lawyer told him he needed to change his attitude. The lawyer warned: “You are not going to be treated fairly because you are the wrong gender.” He wants the courts to treat perjury as a crime, not as a “strategy” to help win in family court.
Passing a shared parenting law would be a good start, he said. He also would like to see prenuptial agreements taken seriously and become part of the marriage license process.
“The system encourages people to fight over children. It’s bad for the courts. It’s bad for the taxpayers. It’s bad for the children,” John Kelly said. “It’s good for one group of people. It’s good for lawyers who promote the fighting.”
Timothy Sanborn of Rye criticized the courts for not following its own rules. “I’m in my 10th year in family court,” Sanborn said.
His divorce was finalized in December of 2009, he said, even though it was not signed by the parties and financial affidavits weren’t completed and signed.
Sanborn said he has testified six times at different hearings to try to improve the system. The process totally stripped him of his constitutional rights, Sanborn said.
Mike Gill said he was recently jailed for 10 days in his case. Gill, the owner of The Mortgage Specialists, has gained notoriety for using signs at his businesses to criticize judges along with other individuals.
“What I’m saying to this court is our system is corrupted. The house is burning down and we’re talking about arranging furniture,” Gill said, adding the judges are corrupt.
As he continued, Gill told the panel that what he was saying wasn’t funny. Sen. Carson told him that no one was laughing.
“Well, don’t smile,” Gill said.
Judge Edwin Kelly said he wanted to hear the complaints even though some of the anger was directed at him.
“I came because I think there’s always an opportunity to learn from what people have to say. We in state government have to be willing to look at our systems to see if there are things we can change. We can’t change case results,” Judge Kelly said.
He does feel badly for people in difficult family situations, but took note that only one side of the stories were being presented at the meeting.
“I learned a long time ago that you can’t listen to one side of any story and have the answer. At the same time, I’m first to acknowledge that judges make mistakes also,” he said.
“Shared parenting is something I do think is worth looking at,” the judge said. Legislation this session that would have made it the law in New Hampshire passed the House, but failed in the Senate.
Janet Delfuoco said she has testified before about her situation and helped Reps. Rice and Edelblut put together Wednesday’s meeting. She said her troubles started when she was trying to help her husband avoid becoming homeless when they divorced.
“I did the right thing by my ex-husband and I ended up losing custody of my oldest son. Now I’m in the process of losing my house,” Delfuoco said.
Thomas McCarthy of East Hampstead said he has been involved in family court since September 2009. He held a copy of the constitution while he testified. “I read this constitution book and it has no part in the family court whatsoever,” McCarthy said.
Lawyers, guardians ad litem and judges can’t do what he can as a father to love and protect his daughter, McCarthy said.
“I can’t see her and more important, she can’t see me. She doesn’t have a dad in her life,” McCarthy said. He finished his testimony with softly spoken words: “I love you,” then he said his daughter’s name.