‘What is a mother to do? My heart belongs to an addict’

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National Institute on Drug Abuse article 'Science of Addiction.' See below for link to article.

Breaking the Chains

Mike Marland

Breaking the Chains

Michele helped launch Breaking the Chains just before Christmas when her son was detoxing at home and in January her hopes when he got into rehab. Michele wrote this article now that he is home from rehab.

By Michele

I hate drugs. I hate HEROIN. I hate how it steals our loved ones away.

I hate what it does to the entire family. And every once in a while a small version of who my son used to be shines through.

And I remember who he was before the drugs stole him. I remember that little boy with blue eyes and curly, almost-white hair. And everything he put me and our family through fades away if only for a fleeting moment.

But our reality, his reality is a horrible nightmare that no one should have to experience. And that familiar vision of my beautiful son quickly disappears. The gray tint color to his skin, the sunken eyes, the bad teeth, the weight loss, the sick-looking person standing in front of me is his and my reality.

I worry every single day, even when he is in recovery and sober.

What is a mother to do? My heart belongs to an addict. I would love to be like other mothers and brag about my son the doctor or lawyer. Instead I brag about how many days my son has been clean.

Since he has been home from rehab he has gone to meetings and got right back to work and works long days making meetings hard to get to. He has been very involved with doing many family things.

But always that fear – that endless fear he could relapse at any moment and with a relapse a greater possibility of death. How can a drug be stronger than a mother’s love?

But it is. I believe addiction is a disease. First a choice, but if you are one of the unfortunate ones that the disease lies dormant until your first time using, you are now no longer in control.

The drug now owns you.

InDepthNH.org launched Breaking the Chains to give voice to people who are recovering from addiction.  Breaking the Chains also provides information about where to seek help whether your drug is alcohol or heroin or any other drug. Email nancywestnews@gmail.com to tell your story or to list recovery information. We use first names when appropriate for this column only. 

Information about recovery can be found at:

Southeastern New Hampshire Services
Heroin Anonymous NH 
Alcoholics Anonymous 
Statewide and Maine